It’s a common problem: you start work on a new project, you get very excited, you dream up a big vision, and you can almost taste the good stuff it will lead to. And then… you get stuck. A weird fog sneaks in, and things suddenly feel wrong. You don’t want to do it anymore.
Why does that happen?
And what can we do?
Sometimes, it’s an issue with our goals.
In many ways, goals are helpful. If you don’t know what to do, you can ask yourself whether it brings you closer to your goal. If a hundred people take that approach, they can all collaborate. Goals maintain your focus and keep you moving.
All true. But if you’re not careful, goals can also seduce your brain down the wrong path. Because once you have a goal, you also have a gap. And your imagination can set up shop in there.
What’s the gap?
The gap is the difference between your life now, and your life the way you imagine it to be when your goal is accomplished. If you don’t keep your brain in check, this can get wild. Before setting a goal, your life may have felt okay. After setting a goal, it can start to pale in comparison to life-post-goal.
The gap then builds tension: you want to cross it. You need to cross it. Tension builds energy, which seems like a good thing. The more energy you feel, the harder you work, and the faster you advance towards your goal. You put in more hours. So far so good.. or so it seems.
Because you’re working from a specific kind of energy: a feeling of discontent. You’re working at it because you need things to be different than they are now. You expect the tension to be relieved when the goal is finally reached. That’s what we call stress.
Once that discontent is the driver, it affects the way you work. Your thoughts and emotions, how you talk, what you say, and which ideas pop into your head. You can’t quite relax, which means you can’t really have fun. And most importantly: you can’t focus on the people your work is meant to serve. Because your focus is on you and your gap.
It’s a vicious cycle. You’ll see that the work you’re producing isn’t as good as it could be. But that observation only enhances the gap and increases your stress. You push even harder, and the results get even worse.
It doesn’t work.
The only way out is to temporarily get rid of the goals. Close the gap all the way back up, and get back in touch with everything that’s already fine.
Take stock of all the things you already have: all the stuff that already works and all the pieces that are already in motion. Forget everything you heard about delayed gratification; focus on the gratification that’s up for grabs right now.
Then, look for something you like—something that looks fun. Make time to interact with it. No need to come up with any justifications other than to have a good time.
Sometimes, good work happens most easily when we are relaxed and content. It happens when we accept things as they are, and stop wishing for our project to change our situation in any way at all.
Because that’s when we can are freed up to act out of appreciation and in service of each other. That’s when we can actually put love into our actions. And enjoy what we’re working on.
Starting from that place, we can carefully set a goal again.
Recognizable! 😊